When is it going to start, why is it important, and how do you deal with it? Read here what is important in the fremdelphase.


Foreign babies, they knock so many friendly fellow people in the head. Even your own dad is sometimes suddenly spurned! From a developmental point of view, however, being a child is an important step for the child. Read here why a baby alienates, when it starts and how to handle it best.

If your child has recently had a sunshine that has looked at every person curiously, it reacts overnight with a rejection of its environment. A short eye contact, it's over: The child turns away, holding his hands in front of his face, saves himself on the arm of Mama or even cries.

The explanation is quite simple: your baby is alienating! But that's no reason to worry. Fremdeln is rather an important step in the development of her child and a sign of emotional and social maturity.

When do babies alienate?

When babies freak out, how pronounced is the Fremdeln depends on the personal pace and individual character of your child.

Uncertainty about strangers usually grows between the ages of 4 and 8 months. The developmental psychologist Rene A. Spitz gave the Fremdelphase therefore the name "8-month anxiety".

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Why are babies alienating?

In the Fremdelphase your baby begins to distinguish between familiar and strange. Although it recognizes in the first months mom and dad on the voice and their smell. But a few months later, it can clearly recognize the face of its closest caregivers and distinguish it from less familiar people.

The alienation is thus simply a natural and healthy distance from the unknown. From an evolutionary point of view, alien is an important protective mechanism for survival.

Strangulation often sets in as the baby's radius expands due to seals and crawling. At the same time, the freedom thus gained is also a bit frightening. At the age of two to three years, the stuttering sounds more and more.

Fremdeln: fear of separation

In Fremdeln expresses another important aspect: the separation anxiety. The baby has learned in the first few months of life that his caregiver looks after him and satisfies his needs. It is taken care of, gets food, love and comfort.

Out of this sense of security, it develops the so-called primitive trust, which will later be decisive for interpersonal relationships. But at the moment, your child is still completely dependent on you. As soon as you leave the room or your field of vision, it reacts with restlessness or even panic.

Fremdeln - sign of a secure bond

Whether intense or just light: If your baby stranger, there is a secure and stable bond between you. Your child knows that with grief, fear and insecurity, you have a reliable base station. Only with this knowledge can it bravely explore its environment and develop an open and confident personality.

Fremdeln: Assess danger situation

Mother or father is also a kind of reinsurance in unfamiliar terrain when strangling: The parent evaluates parental behavior in a situation unknown to him. Are mom or dad excited or anxious, the child knows: There may be danger. So you have a role model and you have to assess situations realistically for your child.

Too much caution harms the child just as much as it does too little. Thus, over-anxious parents can slow down the zest for their offspring or impart a too careless attitude to the child, that in principle there is no danger from strangers.

What to do when the baby stranger?

As a parent, you can not get rid of your baby's sleep - and you should not. Support your child in the Fremdelphase by giving him security and security.

If your baby is alienating, do not force it into the arms of relatives if it does not want to. But you should not overprotect a stranger child. Social skills that are important for his entire life can only be developed in contact with other people.

Tips in dealing with the Fremdeln?

The following measures help to get your child in the Fremdelphase to a new person, for example, the babysitter, get used to:

  • Be patient!
  • Together, gradually build up contact with this new person.
  • Engage the person in activities: play, feed, change diapers.
  • Announce that you are leaving and appear positive and cheerful - do not sneak away.
  • Test run within easy reach: just leave the room for a short while and gradually increase your absence.

When babies do not stare

In most cases there is a secure bond between mother and child. Then babies who are alienating react in a relatively similar way: when the mother leaves the room, they start to cry or cling tightly. When the mother comes back, the joy is great: the child runs towards Mama and throws herself into her arms.After a brief consolation, it calms down relatively quickly and continues to relax.

Deviating behavior is an indication for developmental psychologists that binding is less stable. If a baby does not strangle, this is usually due to negative experiences with the caregiver. If it experiences a disapproving, distanced behavior, mood swings, emotional cold, neglect or abuse, the mother-child bond is disturbed.

Fremdeln - a question of character

However, the attachment behavior is also genetically preprogrammed and not only dependent on the behavior of the mother. So there are daredevils who bravely plunge into everything, and scaredy rabbits who carefully and tentatively explore everything new.

How strongly a baby alienates is therefore also dependent on the character of the child. Here parents can certainly slow down or encourage something and act positively by their behavior. But no matter if that fremdeln strong or weak in your baby, be your safe haven from which to set out on new adventures!

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